Today was a busy day at Science World and taking turns was an ongoing issue. Jack really enjoys doing the wheelchair race. On several occasions, he stood patiently waiting his turn and other kids would run over and jump on the wheelchairs when it was his turn. I saw his little face, he didn't want to say anything and just looked at me for help. As I stood there waiting with him, I struggled with what to do. Especially in cases where parents were nearby and made no move to correct the situation. To me, this is such an awkward position to be in, having to speak to other people's children about waiting their turn when their parents are standing right there. But, if I don't speak up for Jack and I stand there and let child after child go in front of him when he has been waiting patiently, what message am I sending him? I want to show him with my actions and my words that he deserves what he is asking for.
In the end, I did speak to several kids, pointing out that Jack had been waiting and it was his turn and in most cases, the kids let Jack take his turn. Speaking up was hard for me. I avoid confrontation like the plaque and I cringe at the idea of upsetting or annoying people. As a result, I am not that good at standing up for myself. I want Jack and Sarah to be more assertive than I am. Today I realized that sometimes as a parent you have to do things that are uncomfortable for the sake of your kids.
How do you deal with turn taking when out in public?
Have you done anything lately that felt uncomfortable for the sake of your kids?
Turn taking is tough when it is busy at a place like Science Word. I think I would have done the same.
ReplyDeleteOur 14 year old son did not know the meaning of assertive as a child and was so laid back he didn't seem to mind if he lost his turn so long as he got one eventually. It was really hard for my hubby and I to let him sort through this and learn to speak up for himself. We would sometimes do exactly what you did, other times we would let him fend for himself and the odd time when the parent of the other child was clearly witnessing their child not waiting their turn, then we would speak to the parent but never in an accusatory way, more of a "not sure if you realized but its my sons turn next, he's been waiting patiently in line". Now as a teenager I notice him respectfully speaking up for others he feels are not being treated fairly whatever the circumstance so I guess we did something right. We now also have a 2 year old daughter and she seems to have her brothers meek and mild manner. It is really hard to watch her almost duck for cover when more boisterous children budge in front of her but I find myself doing the same as we did with our son and can only hope that it will have the same outcome.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a tough one, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI, too, am always looking for the balance in teaching/modeling what to do and not hovering or over-parenting.
Le sigh.
#Tricky
it got to me your last part. That happens to me quite often. For me is more the bullying part, and I totally feel like I want to know where I should step in w/o me being a bully but at the same time not letting my kid being bullied. I make it complicated, I know.
ReplyDeleteI definitely step in with a situation like that, simply because he would never get a turn otherwise. But in most cases i try to just talk about how each child is feeling and try not to solve problem for them. Easier saidthan done, especially when your own kid is the one taking advantage or being rude.
ReplyDelete