- I don't clean my house enough
- My kitchen floor is dirty
- I don't floss my kids' teeth
everenough - I am not patient enough when I am trying to get the kids out of the house in the morning
- I bribe my kids with cookies and chocolate
- I do too much for my kids
- I often can't find the Sarah's library book on library day and I curse about it
- Sometimes we eat meals while watching t.v.
- Some mornings Jack doesn't brush his teeth
- I don't take my kids to the public library enough
- Jack is only in swimming lessons right now, no other programs
- I can never to do pick ups or drop off for school
I could go on and on. Part of this guilt comes from comparing myself, my family, my kids to others. It is a bad habit, but it is such a difficult one to kick. It is easy to look around and see another mother who has it more together than me. It may be the fresh kleenex she can whisk from her pocket, at a moments notice. While I madly dig to the bottom of my bag and produce a used dry wipe and try to pass it off as a kleenex. Or it could be the glamorous mom who is off to yoga at 8:00 p.m. while I sit on the couch eating bon bons and pinning pins to my pinterest boards that I will probably never try.
Francesca Kaplan Grossman's article, "Jealousy, Judgement and Motherhood" got me thinking about the whole issue of feeling inadequate. It seems to me, we are all incredibly hard on ourselves. We need to give ourselves a break. We need to give each other a break. Because in the end, we are doing the best we can. We are human, not super human. As a result, we get tired. We get frustrated. We get sad. We get hungry. We get cold. And these things can affect my feelings and actions at any given moment.
So I want to learn to be a little easier on myself this year. Won't you join me?
 |
| A beautiful Saturday with my family can whisk much of that guilt away. |
We live in a culture of total excess, which applies to activities, entertainment ...everything! I enrolled Theo is soccer and he HATES it. That was not the plan. The plan was he'd be fantastic and love it. Now I'm not sure if I feel bad for enrolling him of expecting him to want to play with a group of 3-5+yr olds. The funny thing is, we just left the soccer, went to the market and the playground and had a great time. Soon I won't have this opportunity to spend breezy days in the woods or the playground or the beach because he'll be doing activities. So I'm dialing is back.
ReplyDeleteSimilarly, Theo is always covered in dirt and I no longer seem to pay attention to what he wears. All his pants are too short, nothing matches and I NEVER have wipes or water.
Oh and we spend a TON (seriously, it's absurd) of time in coffee shops eating croissants, cookies and hot chocolates.
Anyway, you're doing a great job sister!
Great post Lisa and you've hit the sensitivity of the topic right on. I think that no matter what we do as parents there will often be a time/occasion that makes us feel a little bit inadequate. Sometimes I do feel on top of the game but than I come home and realize that I have no plans for dinner and the same load of wet clean laundry is hanging out in the machine for the 2nd day in a row.
ReplyDeleteI would love to join you on this topic! While at the CR4YR conference on Friday I felt saddled with guilt for not reading more with my kids. After all, I am a teacher and I should know better. But at the end of a long day, most nights I just want my kids in bed! Honestly, it is Scott who reads with them.
ReplyDeleteAs for activities, last week Megan cried before each activity she was in and begged to stay home. She even faked being sick. She is in Brownies, gymnastics, dance, and has soccer twice a week. She now hates Mondays as it is too busy! I hate Mondays too and wonder what possessed me to sign her up for everything. I believe it is guilt and comparison with others. I don't want her to feel that she is missing out on anything but in the end I think she is missing out on time spent as a family, relaxing, and learning to play by herself (something she needs to learn). I think you are smart for only putting Jack in swimming. He benefits far more from time spend with his family.
And my daughter's hair is constantly messy! I always looked forward to having a daughter so that I could dress her up and do her hair. I never thought that most days she wouldn't match, her clothing would have stains, and her hair would resemble a birds nest!